sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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