i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
