OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
well you can't waste a boner
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
