I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
