please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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