I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
