My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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