Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
