im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
