I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
