I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
