i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
