3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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