I'd wear matching sweaters with you
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
