Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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