Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
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