I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Pants are for mortals
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
