Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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