its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
