The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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