My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
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