He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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