he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
