My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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