im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
