That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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