Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
