so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
