Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
