you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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