Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle