I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.