I have demons in me.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
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Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
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THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.