Who wears a wallet chain?!
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.