Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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