He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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