I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
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