thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
