No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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