WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
