my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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