you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
When are your genitals available?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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