Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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