why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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