He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
We got so high we made milksteak
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
