I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
