But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
