No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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