So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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