I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
