So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
