If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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