You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
