I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
