She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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