Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
