...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
