with your own penis?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
