I wanna passion pit in your ass
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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