I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
