At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
