At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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