he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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