batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
