sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
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