I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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