New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
