I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
