Please, let me fuck your mom
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
We left an ass print on the piano.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
