If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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