I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
