ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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