i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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