You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
