why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
