Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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