Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
