I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
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