my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
